Tuesday, January 3, 2012

What To Do When You Are Really "Done" With a Situation

It occurs to me today that when everything is done regarding certain issues and the time has come to move from a state of living or a state of mind (or both), that there should be a check list to follow so that you will know you can close this chapter and start a new one. As I think on it, every milestone in life, if addressed in this way, will certainly be aided in its effort if a little more logical behavior and a little less emotional distress is applied. Why not just list it up, check it off and move on from a situation rather than lamenting one's way through endless grief and ongoing misery. For example:
1) The need to move; re - expensive overhead, ongoing grief, lack of emotional support, change of scenery requirement, etc. - all of the above.
a) Start packing up personal belongings - If nothing else, it's therapeutic;
it means you are on your way.
b) Take responsibility of anything still living in your house - find a place for pets, plants,
other living things in your life. (call your church and let the pastor handle it for you.)
c) Remember to apply make up regularly so you look like you are alive to the outside world.
d) Try to keep your job steady at least for now. It's your source of income; handle with care
even if it is only temporary.
e) Reach out to a friend to talk to if it gives you comfort. Pride is a stupid issue here.
f) Remember to pray - keeps you in touch with whoever you feel takes care of you spiritually.
g) Line up your favorite movie videos to play in the background of you activities -
to keep things light and rolling.
h) Keep busy - if you don’t sit down too much you will be exhausted by nighttime. That way
at least you can sleep at night if only from being in overdrive all day.
It is important to remember that your best friend will always be yourself. It is that person who puts their hands on your head when you have a headache. It is that person who knows you tried when everything falls out from underneath you in spite of all the trying. It is that person who knows what it cost you to get where you are. It is that person who prays for you best in your own behalf. It is that person who cries for you when you need to cry. Remember to fix your make up when you finish crying. Time to get to work.
Alice Elizabeth Cagle; 9/6/2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Christmas Present for Posterity

What do you do as a family member? Well, you might wear many hats or you might be the one with wisdom for giving guidance, a hero and a stanchion of family stability, the one with a sense of humor for spreading joy, the one with patience for challenges and tragedies. You might also be the one who tries everyone's patience.

When a family member passes, it means that those left behind have the chance to send the memories of that person far into the future so important inheritable qualities are never forgotten. The field of Genetics is a rising star in the world of Medicine, but to us commoners it's a science of amusing discovery and often the basis for good parlor conversation - sometimes complimentary, sometimes out in left field, and never a replacement for documented knowledge - the very next best to firsthand.

Think of a great grandchild several generations from now who reasons and acts like the loved one you lost. At some point in his life, that person will want to know details of this relative when old enough to comprehend his own similarities to and differences from an ancestor. Document it all ! Record everything you can for those you do not yet know and think of the satisfaction this Christmas present could bring to someone becoming a teenager or getting married in the year 2061 - only 50 years and 2-1/2 generations from now.

Merry Christmas!

Alice Elizabeth Cagle -- December 21, 2010
Posted by Alice Elizabeth Cagle at 9:02 PM

Sunday, October 24, 2010

To Soar Like the Eagle

We are coming up fast on the ending of another year - this time the year is 2010 - and there are some philosophical things I learned this year, perhaps later in my life than for others. I think they are worthy of sharing and it goes like this -
When family life is stranger than fiction you'll be better off to just roll with it. If you feel abandoned let it be - find a church family, find a family of friends. Don't try to resist your feelings and don’t try to change it unless you were the root. Most of us live a reasonably long life if we are healthy. Whatever offended you or caused hurt feelings will either reverse on its own, or truth will throw itself upon you and explain itself better. If you are lucky you may inherit knowledge, and that could be enough to get you to the other side.

When history is stranger than fiction stop what you are doing, give yourself an adequate space to think deep and long, and then wait for the courage to adjust. You might become its friend as you turn it over in your mind, but rushing to conclusions is a fruitless art. No recorded history will ever be the ultimate story and the sides to historical facts may be full of details you did not anticipate. If you feel lost as you meander through bits and pieces, consider the possibility that your analyses may be slanted by bias or just incomplete. Let life bring to you what it wants by its own clock. Logic might become apparent when you are ready to be the student rather than a self-appointed teacher, and life is an ongoing learning experience anyway.

When love becomes stranger than fiction let your heart lead your head. Your head had no right to get involved in the first place. A real love is based on many things, only some of which will stand the test of time. When the body of love leaves the spirit of love, hang on to your feelings from the experience in the way one takes a souvenir from a journey. Never hide or deny sentiments. Memories will change in color and intensity as you walk into what is ahead. You can keep the whole rainbow if you choose. The decision is yours but it may be better to put memories away in a secure place, rather than angrily discarding them in the bin. They are not baggage; they are part of who you are.

When making it through the hard times is stranger than fiction, count your blessings several times a day and not just the gifts from days gone by. Never assume that blessings have run dry. Beautiful things you cannot even imagine are just down the road; there is never a dead end to good times, security, peace. Generosity is what we live by and that virtue will never leave you sitting on the curb. A feeling of well-being is what we share with others, and they with us. Do not isolate; find your peers. Traditional values kick into play when you are living with the same struggles as those around you; new fellowship is fostered in the process by the guidance of faith. You were meant to soar like the eagle. Sometimes a broader patience is mandated, and less personal aspiration is required.

Alice Elizabeth Cagle, October 23, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Alisa Kathryn Baker - Born October 10, 2010

A little girl is born this day - how peaceful the world became.
Gentle is the air today, soft the nighttime everywhere.
Free from the outside world of gloom, free of heartache, free of care.

All I need is being with you to be alive and be renewed.
You are innocence; we are wisdom, concerns, joy.
Sharing each other with every smile and giggle, every toy.

Who knows what you and I will see down this path of ours?
You will learn and grow, make your way, and one day you will lead.
I will love you always, support your ambitions, your plans, your every need.

We want to bring you to the world, and give the world to you.
I knew you first as the expression of a mighty love.
You emphasize its beauty now, the diamond of my heart, the whitest dove.

Come take my hand. Follow me first in things I know, then I will let you lead.
Find the answers for the world, bring them comfort, know your heart's desire.
Grasp your interests by the horns, blaze a path, mold with fire.

When you become the light of someone's life, take with you the things we knew.
Bring them to a child of yours. I will bless the day that she is born when
Gentle is the air and soft the nighttime everywhere.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

A Circle of Dreams

I can remember your face as clearly as sunshine and starlight.
It was innocent of pain from time and care,
It was pure and honest, unstained by motives, agendas, reasons,
The day I walked away from love itself, I truly lost the face of love.

Years passed and on a mountain day I looked beyond the window
The stallion stood and drank beside the pond,
Fireflies below and stars above looking for the moonlight girl.
And the circle of dreams began to bloom around the face of love.

Images dreamed since early times were those remaining in the mind.
Unfair to love who we once were, not knowing who we had become,
The search was deep for passion past, but the bridge to bring us home was gone,
The circle of dreams closed again, and for all time, upon the face of love.

Forgive me if I cling to this, as sometimes it was all I had.
I saw you tall and straight and strong. It brought me through the worst of days.
We loved for all these years apart, pursuing paths in separate ways.
Reaching back to days far gone - for me the face of love remains.

If you should see the deepest sky in shades of precious cobalt blue,
Think back to us and know I keep those timeless days as fresh and new.
For it is not who we are now that leads me down a path of pride,
But days back then of loving you that never faded, never died.

A final thought I give to you, as youth you seek and pain you shed.
Youth and beauty first perceived are dreams that thrive upon one's bed.
Ambitions won and missions lost were things long chased at any cost.
Now is the time for you to find deeper beauty, peace of mind.

Do not yield to chance just now, or build your dream on shifting sand.
Influence is purchased by the yard and it changes with advisors lives.
Counsel wise and from your heart alone
To grasp the prize at last and bring it home.

You'll be with someone else, but I will be happy for you,
as I keep the memory from the face of love.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Ending Commitments - A Study in the Stupidity of Guilt

It is quite unique these days to see a commitment never end until one's last turn in the road or one's last breath. Some of us still promise to achieve this in most of the major commitments we make - commitment to career, a vow in marriage and bonds with family. A pledge to preserve our decisions is regarded as an unshakable promise, or so it was in days more traditional than these. But as the tradition of the straight and narrow approach has been forsaken for the more modern adaptation, there are further qualifications to this principal rarely discussed. These should be clearly exposed once and for all in support of all those who are slow to respond. In daring to write the truth about emotional evolution, I hope to release the poor innocent souls still fighting a generous battle against inevitable victimization and the weight of guilt, as we continue to give all we have left to barking up hollow trees. People who cannot hear or feel the memories of vintage commitment are not worthy of these efforts any longer, and someone should come to the aid of hopeless promise-keepers once and for all.

If we look at life as an opportunity to excel our very best promised efforts in spurts of about 15 years give or take some, we are better off. The ancient Greeks saw the hope in such aspirations. A child looks for independence from the development phase of his or her life at about 15. A serious marriage begins to take on different characteristics of role playing and pretending that we are with different partners in about the same period of time. For some this occurs sooner. Careers evolve with such briskness and haste that even if we continue to love what we do, time and man will confidently modify or transform the very role from where we began. Consider the typesetter of old. He is now either a computer operator or unemployed, both titles well recognized today, and both categories fostered with the sense of awkward adjustment for the typesetter who needed to conform.

But certainly none will be more cutting than the desertion of one's bond to or by the family. I think it was the last great commitments to go, but decidedly stands confirmed today. For those of us who have experienced this, its reality shines somewhere up there between a sense of being orphaned and having drowned in a bathtub of Clorox. Purists or conservatives will guilt their way through misery over this state of being until they cease to exist. What could be more painful than being cut off by family. However, if you can adapt to a more evolutionary modus operandi and get your arms around the dependability of change, you too can look forward to new and exciting developments with regularity. Truth be told, it requires only how many multiples of 15 years you think you have left, or at least are planning on. Furthermore, with each progression in the definition of commitment, those who feel they were left behind or badly abused in the last round will be able to find their like kind (other people with the same problem) and a self-established comfort in sharing as mankind has become more verbal than ever before with blogs and websites to vent by.

The ultimate hope, of course, in all this theorizing is that in making peace with the concept of dependable change we can begin to rely on finding a comfortable way to go on so that guilt dissipates, ineptness to the times is alleviated and faith in one's path carries on. Why be weary with commitment built to withstand any pitfall, when you can run with the pack who never knows what lies around the corner. As the emphasis now centers on comfort rather than the guarantee of a pledge, one learns to relax and focus on self-preservation, which of course is what traditional values were originally invented to protect. All that is required for this adaptation is an agreeable frame of mind and the lack of judgmental passion. If you can believe in all this you might want to try it.

Alice Elizabeth Cagle, September 24, 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Little Humor Never Hurt Anybody - A True Story

Somewhere into my third year of raising sheep the ewes developed a minor epidemic evolving from my own carelessness. Many of our herd (which grew from 5 to 16 over the first three years) had a nail growth problem that was on the verge of turning into infection. This was my barn epidemic! I had let slide setting up the appointment for cutting back their hooves and when the first 2 of 16 began to limp I panicked. Bad enough were the little surprises that you learned about from hands-on training, but as this was my own error it was almost more than I could bear. I was surely always the student perfectionist, so what happened? Owning up to the fault here was not going to take care of the problem and taking care of the problem in an off season was not going to be a piece of cake.

Arranging for hoof trimming in January involved an endless stream of answering machine messages which yielded nothing positive over the next 24 hours. The snow storm did not help either. Of course, no hoof trimmer/sheep shearer was ever home during the day to take their messages off answering machines, and anyone would have to wait to hear back from them at least until they got home from their day job. That was enough to just about do me in. By 8 p.m. that night I found myself shaking. Boy oh boy, Look what I did! If I could not shear wool and cut hooves so be it, but I should have gotten the expert on time. Being a medical typist, I applied everything I knew about foot ailments to my barn ladies - sepsis, gangrene, amputation.

In desperation I bought out the feed store's supply of something called Copper Blue which would disinfect the sheep hooves and prevent infection. I did the proper dipping process on each of the 4 hooves for 16 sheep. Hey, that was okay! After all, I made this crisis myself, so whatever it took to correct it would be the lesson I had coming to me! My back hurt a little but no sheep in my barn was going to be infected by the end of the day today and that was all that counted. It would be a good thing in the words of Martha Stewart. After several more sessions of dipping into Copper Blue the day that followed just to be sure and all the ewes feet were now blue from the medicine, my last few phone messages were finally returned. It was time to come to grips with the fact that no one would come up my mountain by the private road full of ruts and ice to trim hooves for at least another month or two. This chore of trimming and shearing was to be performed in March, April and May or not at all. Crying ensued.

A friend of mine who raised horses nearby had a farrier who came to trim hooves. I asked her if she thought he could trim the hooves of ewes. She said she didn't see why not, and as he had an appointment for her horses that afternoon, she then brought him up to my farm. He agreed to try, (telling me he had not done this before on sheep … oh joy!) but as I prayed sincerely for help, I found that my friend's farrier must have been the genius of his class. I kept telling him this over and over, whether or not he appreciated hearing it, and he actually did extremely well. One by one I let each hoof-trimmed ewe out of the barn pen through the lower half of the dutch door, and scampering each one bounced into the pasture, happy as a lamb. I was grateful and the guilt was lifting .The job was a challenge because it was me who had to wrestle the sheep into place and then lift each hoof, but to be honest I was just so delighted at the outcome that I kept grabbing those hooves. I showed no physical evidence of how I was going to feel tonight in a very hot shower with Ben Gay as my friend to follow. Soon we would be done and the emergency would be over! It was all I cared about and all I wanted to know.

The problem came with the last ewe, lest the job be accomplished too smoothly to be believed. The feistiest ewe of all became my foe. I left her for last because she ran the fastest and I knew I would need extra time for her. Hey look - more lessons to learn straight ahead!

Round and round in a circle the last ewe trotted. Hard as I tried, I could not grab the wool on her back and stop her in her tracks like I had with the others. Each time I made my best grab, she would pull me with her for a few steps and then brake away. My attitude was "I'm going to get you. Why don't you just give up?" Her attitude was "Let him cut your hooves lady! You're not going to stop me, so you give it up!"

With the mind of a great engineer I devised what I thought was the winning stance that could not fail. I jumped in front of her path as she made her next orbit around the pen. With the grace of a baseball player, I positioned myself in her path, legs just a little apart and to hold my balance. I leaned forward to cut her thrust as she ran toward me. The ewe promptly put her head down, went through my legs, picked me up on her back, and in an instant I was riding her backward in her circle of choice around the periphery of the pen. It was just her and me and the big circle. Ride'em shepherdess!

My two partners in crime, the farrier and my friend, would have stopped the animal and taken me off if only they could have contained their laughter. Since laughter however was not going to be contained that day, we continued our orbit of the pen for 6 more laps.

My friend said "We're not really laughing at you!" followed by the farrier who added "Yes we are!" and no help came from either of them for yet another 2 laps after that. I finally made it off the ewe's back, I just don’t remember how. She was secured against a feeding stall and I don’t remember that either, but her hooves were cut and the job was finished. I know I was conscious, I just don’t remember much after my try out for the next production of Annie Oakley.

For those of you out there who raise sheep, remember how important it is to perform timely herd maintenance and to make your appointments early. If you are new to raising sheep, you might want to keep a stash of oatmeal raisin cookies in a tight lid tin box at the barn. If ever an unexpected crisis occurs in your barn similar to the one described above, the cookies will raise your blood sugar afterward. You could also share them with your friends who come to help you in emergencies or in a pinch the sheep can enjoy them with you too. Other alternatives to consider are having a ski lift installed or the purchase of a helicopter (not all that great in bad weather) if your hilltop farm, like ours, is located straight up the side of a mountain. Face it, your shearer should not have to travel a gravel road covered in ice to get to you in January. Pay attention to these details and remember, a little thought beforehand, well - it's just a good thing!